Have you ever seen something so magnificent, that doesn’t seem real but you’re oh-so-glad it is? That’s how I felt after reading about the fight between Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk. The idea sounded ridiculous in concept. Who would’ve thought that was realistic? Two industry tech giants duking it out in the octagon, one on one? Sign me up! Though the rumor of said fight has gone radio silent for quite some time now, which spreads doubt of the event actually occurring, I, a wise man, have wrestled with the question of who would win if both billionaires were to brawl. I have done some research and read up on their own respective styles. I’m here to write hypotheticals and definitively answer, with one person’s opinion, on who would win between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg! Now I’m not a trained fighter, but I have played plenty of fighting games, and those games have characters with a vast variety of styles. I will use that and what I’ve miscellaneously seen on the internet to analyze their fighting styles and figure out who would come out on top.  

Coming into this, the battle would’ve theoretically been taking place in either a UFC octagon or the Roman coliseum, as joked by Elon. The validity and the seriousness of the statement is up in the air but for this hypothetical, we will take this into account. For this fight, both competitors would be on a flat grounded surface for an arena, no gimmicks, no tricks, no weapons, etc. It would be in the style of a UFC fight of sorts. From initially looking at it, Musk has the clear size advantage, with a height of 6” ‘2 dwarfing the 5” ‘7 Zuckerberg. He also holds the weight advantage, with both his disputed weights being between 187 to 300+ pounds, being way heavier than the 155 pound Zuckerberg. However, Zuckerberg has the age advantage, being 39 which is 13 years younger than Musk. Both men have been training for this theoretical bout, with Musk sparring with UFC fighters, while Zuckerberg has been working with folks of his own and competing in actual tournaments. In reality though, what matters at the end of the day is the technique. 

So to start with Musk, Musk is experienced in several different fighting styles. From childhood he learned judo, kyokushin karate, and taekwondo. Recently though, he studied up on Brazilian jiu-jitsu. He has some experience in judo. Judo is commonly known for being a fighting style that takes down opponents larger than one’s self. It uses the momentum of the enemy to their own advantage. The style primarily consists of a variety of throws, as well as a vast set of holds. Musk could use that to his advantage by fighting around counter-attacks, to capitalize on mistakes Zuckerberg makes to start a ground based offense of submissions and grapples. The next style in his arsenal, Kyokushin karate, originates from Japan. The practitioners of the style are primarily won by knocking out or knocking down the opponent. This style is primarily a striking style, using strong kicks in strikes, allowed on all parts of the body, minus the head. This style can help Musk in cases where Zuckerberg slips out of his initial grapple attempts. This also would help him go the distance, as a lot of this style is focused on conditioning for the receival of blows and for stamina sake. The last Musk exclusive style would be taekwondo, originating from Korea. Comparative to karate, both styles incorporate full body motion, but taekwondo has more emphasis on the kicks, all the while using their hands as a secondary tool. Taekwondo is also generally a more agile style, all the while more aggressive as the style uses a plethora of jump kicks.The fast, flashy spin kick is another staple in the style. This adds on to create a more striking emphasis style of fighting, while still having those throws and those submission holds in his back pocket. The ideal scenario for Musk is to focus on using his size to his advantage, overpowering and keeping the smaller Zuckerberg to the ground. If that doesn’t work, a strike exchange could possibly go in his favor, though it is up in the air as we haven’t seen concrete evidence of the striking power of Musk. 

Now, on the other side of the ring, we have Mark Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg has shown more proof in comparison to Musk when it comes to competing, as well as training. He has competed in several different competitions of MMA where he has taken home both gold and silver medals. He also does conditioning via going on runs, marking his times, and attempts to beat his own times. Zuckerberg utilizes two fighting styles; one that is shared between him and Musk, and then one that only he utilizes between the two. That is Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Mixed Martial Arts respectively. Brazilian jiu-jitsu is a style that both fighters use. Though Zuckerberg seems like the more proficient of the two in this aspect. It requires a competent mind to use as it requires knowledge on human anatomy, timing. Some involvement of physics as you need to use leverage and angles. The primary strategies implemented with this style is using holds, grapples, and several takedowns to their advantage. Zuckerberg is a relatively smart individual in the fields of business and technology. Human anatomy is questionable in terms of the level of knowledge from Zuckerberg. One would assume however, that a man of his general intellect would know more about it compared to the average joseph-shmoeseph. This style would be primarily used to attempt to keep the opponent on the ground and keep them within the versatile holds used in this style. Zuckerberg would most likely use this style in conjunction with his leaner frame to act like an eel, to slip out of Musk’s grapple attempts and strike him down with an array of strikes. There is one more thing though I believe we all fail to consider.

Taking both into account, the real edge, I feel, would go to Zuckerberg. Musk has had several surgeries that not even his cybernetic and alien parts would be able to exactly heal. We also see that Zuckerberg is in better condition than Musk, seeing Zuckerberg run and actually participate in competitions, in which we see him do well. With those feats I feel Zuckerberg can out maneuver all of Musk’s laser beams and robo-drones and be immune to any mind control via his advanced mind. Let me know who you want to throw down next time! Thanks for reading!